A dog owner’s letter to her neighbor

Dear neighbor

I understand you have some issues about living next-door. I also understand most of these issues involve my dog. Since I sympathize with the plight of non-dog lovers, I’ve decided to write to you some gentle pointers about tolerating these amazing animals. Here are some that you may find handy:

  • If there’s poop in your front entrance, please remember that grown-up dogs seldom poop in the doorway. They prefer the dirt and the grass. It might have been the stray cat that lives in our building, or the stray kids.
  • Yes. He barks. It’s an early warning system against burglars, strangers and serial killers. Much as I would enjoy it, I don’t want my neighbors serially killed.
  • Thank you for that obvious remark, yes he is very big and strong. Did you think I dislocated my shoulder eating cereal?
  • He likes to chase the pigeons. I know you find it hilarious, pointing and laughing as you do, but he means to kill them, not play.
  • Very true, he does shed a lot of hair. We tried the vacuum cleaner, but he’s already made an enemy out of the blow-dryer.
  • I am usually covered in dog-hair, with specks of drool on my shirt and a fistful of half-eaten dog biscuits in my pocket. I hope you’re not judging my fashion sense right now.
  • One of the ways to introduce yourself to a big dog is to ask the owner if he’s friendly. One of the ways to get your ass bitten is run towards the dog yelling “German Shepherd! Weeeeeeee!”
  • Rest assured, your loud, rude, annoying kid is very safe with my dog. He’s not very safe with me, however.
  • No he’s not at all like a Labrador. A Labrador will think about how nice you are. An Alsatian will think about how nice you taste.
  • Yes. I get it. He’s a dog. He’s not a cute baby you can fawn over. He’s not a hot girl you can gawk at. But he’s my best friend and I’d appreciate some respect for this species of bomb-sniffers, caregivers, sentinels and perpetual face-lickers.

 

I raise my paw in farewell

Your neighbor with that dog! 

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Published by: Abby

Abha is a final-year law student; She's a trainee family law advocate, a virtual speaker on sexual violence and a volunteer at the local legal aid cell. She enjoys listening to indie rock, reading romantic thrillers and eating Chinese food. She also loves her dog, but suspects her dog isn't too thrilled about that.

Categories StoriesTags, , 2 Comments

2 thoughts on “A dog owner’s letter to her neighbor”

  1. A bit Rude !!! Not the most productive way to move a conversation forward by assuming and insulting your neighbours.

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